Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
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You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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