Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
