Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
