If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize