I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
