I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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