after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
