if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
