There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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