It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize