I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
