She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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