i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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