She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
