I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
