isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Two words: blizzard sex
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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