I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
