I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
