That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
