do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
