My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
