I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
