she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
