Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.