If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
