Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.