I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay