can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.