Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left