I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit