Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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