Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
