i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
