I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
