Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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