Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
wow bdsm is so cute
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
