she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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