Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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