She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
