You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
