so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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