I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
