matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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