I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
