oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
