Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Randomize
