I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
