I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you inspire me to be a worse person
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
