how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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