i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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