And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
