He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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