We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
