I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
