I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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