Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
