i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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