My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
