just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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