I CAN MOONWALK!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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