im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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