Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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