he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
