party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
