Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
