Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
