Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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