did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize