I hate your face
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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