It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
