I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
