so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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