Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
