I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize