Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
