If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
smell my finger.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
