She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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