So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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