He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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