I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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