Umm I'm too high to move.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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