Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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