Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
