I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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