I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
