I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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