Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize