we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
