And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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