pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
