I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
